Submitting My Application

[Zephyr]

So Mr. Kieth, mind sharing with us the craziest story you have about the craziest thing that's happened to you while on duty?

[CodeWhite]

Hmmmmm so many funny and gross stories fill my brain...which one to pick.

Heres a good one and honest to god its 100% true. I got an assist an ambulance call at an apartment complex in our fair city. The call came over stating that a male had cut himself and was bleeding. No biggie I thought, usually the ambulance is dispatched before us so they are usually there by the time I show up attending to the person. All I basically do is stand around and make sure nobody attacks the ambulance crew.

So I arrive on scene and the ambulance is there. I walk up into the apartment and as soon as I go through the front door there is fucking blood EVERYWHERE. I've been on homicides that were cleaner. I walk into the living room and see a middle age guy sitting on the couch. His wife was standing next to him as calm as can be. He was white as a ghost and was holding a blood soaked towel by his....wait for it......crotch. So natuarlly I ask the dude what the hell happened to which he replied "I cut them off." I asked him what "them" meant and he calmly informs me that he had cut his sack off with a razor because it was too big, sweaty and always got in the way. As this guy is telling me this his wife turns to me and calmly tells me that her husband has been talking about lopping his balls off for awhile and she didn't think it was a big deal. In fact he had gone to the hospital a couple of day earlier in an attempt to have a doctor do the deed for him but was told it would be considered plastic surgery and insurance would not cover it.

I asked the wife if she could show me where her husband had cut himself and she led me to the bathroom. (I could of just followed the blood trail but I wanted her away while the ambulance crew attended to her now sackless husband.) In the bathroom was a bloody straight razor in the sink and in the toilet were his ummmmmm....balls. He had cut his sack open while he was sitting on the toilet and had acually ripped his balls out and threw them in the toilet.

So needless to say he was transported to the hospital. I spoke to the doctor at the hospiatal to make sure this guy was going to live because he had lost a shit load of blood. The doctor told me that he was going to pull through and held up one of those black clamps that are used to hold stacks of papers together. The doc proceeded to tell me that the reason why the sackless wonder didn't bleed out was because he had clamped his artery shut with the clip after he casterated himself.

Many more where that came from and only 6 years on the job. When I retire maybe Ill wrie a book.

Java sorry I didn't make it on last night i got tied up at a family birthday party and didn't make it home till late. Ill pop in Mon and Tues for some games.

[W1ngnu7]

OMG dude! <clutching my own junk for security> I went ghost white imagining it. I vote for CodeWhite telling 1 story every week.

[Exodus]

I actually got sick to my stomach reading that.

[DarthBuckets]

Incredible.

[LiQuiDKaiN.Lang]

unforunately, things like this are not very uncommon

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apotemnophilia

[Fear]

Kain, you would know all about that, wouldn't you?

[LiQuiDKaiN.Lang]

nah, not really. I just had to do an abnormal psych class not too long ago.

[Zephyr]

Nice - I'll definitely buy that book.

[Ice Man]

Oh my God dude. That's freaking crazy. I could never go through lopping my sack off (not as if I would want to do that anyways. girls love my sack )

[Hans Georg]

First of all, that's FUCKING insane!

Second of all, how did this guy not pass out from pain?

[SGT_OKINAWA]

Hmmmmm so many funny and gross stories fill my brain...which one to pick.

Heres a good one and honest to god its 100% true. I got an assist an ambulance call at an apartment complex in our fair city. The call came over stating that a male had cut himself and was bleeding. No biggie I thought, usually the ambulance is dispatched before us so they are usually there by the time I show up attending to the person. All I basically do is stand around and make sure nobody attacks the ambulance crew.

So I arrive on scene and the ambulance is there. I walk up into the apartment and as soon as I go through the front door there is fucking blood EVERYWHERE. I've been on homicides that were cleaner. I walk into the living room and see a middle age guy sitting on the couch. His wife was standing next to him as calm as can be. He was white as a ghost and was holding a blood soaked towel by his....wait for it......crotch. So natuarlly I ask the dude what the hell happened to which he replied "I cut them off." I asked him what "them" meant and he calmly informs me that he had cut his sack off with a razor because it was too big, sweaty and always got in the way. As this guy is telling me this his wife turns to me and calmly tells me that her husband has been talking about lopping his balls off for awhile and she didn't think it was a big deal. In fact he had gone to the hospital a couple of day earlier in an attempt to have a doctor do the deed for him but was told it would be considered plastic surgery and insurance would not cover it.

I asked the wife if she could show me where her husband had cut himself and she led me to the bathroom. (I could of just followed the blood trail but I wanted her away while the ambulance crew attended to her now sackless husband.) In the bathroom was a bloody straight razor in the sink and in the toilet were his ummmmmm....balls. He had cut his sack open while he was sitting on the toilet and had acually ripped his balls out and threw them in the toilet.

So needless to say he was transported to the hospital. I spoke to the doctor at the hospiatal to make sure this guy was going to live because he had lost a shit load of blood. The doctor told me that he was going to pull through and held up one of those black clamps that are used to hold stacks of papers together. The doc proceeded to tell me that the reason why the sackless wonder didn't bleed out was because he had clamped his artery shut with the clip after he casterated himself.

Many more where that came from and only 6 years on the job. When I retire maybe Ill wrie a book.

Java sorry I didn't make it on last night i got tied up at a family birthday party and didn't make it home till late. Ill pop in Mon and Tues for some games.

+5

and yes, he should tell a story each week! I laughed so hard!

Thanks for share!

Peace! 8)

[CodeWhite]

First of all, that's FUCKING insane!

Second of all, how did this guy not pass out from pain?

The guy was pretty much in shock. Its amazing what pain people are unaware of when they are in shock. I've seen people in car accidents walking and talking telling me that they are fine then a few hours later die of internal injuries.

Ill pick my brain for another good story if you want to hear one and post it later.